Innocence and Ignorance.

Since I heard about those trending videos of kids on the Internet, I would like to use this photo to share what I have to say. You act surprised with these kids when you hand them iPads to get their heads occupied? Listen.

I worry for these kids, perhaps we are blind to see that these children are crying for affection, for quality time, reflection of ourselves, of what we have done on earth for the next generations since grown-ups no longer have time to watch them and guide them grow. They are unprepared for these social pressures they were born into, their innocence are being eaten alive by our ignorance. No more playmates to run on field because everybody’s busy making friends inside the virtual world. Parents post photos of food instead of saying grace before they eat. Parks and picnic groves are now emptied and no more Sunday’s without phones being used. We are the reflection of our children, we have responsibilities in molding our children to be our better selves, they observe everything on their own to learn things everything that they don’t understand and imitate us on how we abuse these technologies. How come we are so good in judging this children when we, ourselves, old and experienced still act like we have no knowledge and fault about the things we have created?

I’m glad to be born during the time of patintero, luksong-baka, tagu-taguan, and pagpapalipad ng saranggola.’ 

  
So lucky to be born when I had my pen and paper to write what I feel and learned from the day. 

I’m happy I was born yesterday, when letters for parents on Valentine’s days were given on hand, with hugs and kisses. 

Glad to have experienced fighting with my cousin’s for the meat from the pinakbet when it’s served on the table.

I’m one lucky kid to have experienced running and jumping with my aunts through the rain believing I’ll grow tall on the first rainfall of May, 

To have written my first crush through my perfected handwriting and we’re very nervous whenever I received his replies.

So lucky to have received postcards from aunts with all the things written on the back sharing what it felt during the moments.

To enjoy the whole day running wild, hunting spiders, and building tree-houses, climbing trees, and catching dragon flies. 

Now, time flies without real memories to look back. Our connection to the real world has gone meaningless. 

Everything is filtered, everything is falling apart.
We still can save our children, make some time to sit or to play with them, to cook, eat without touching phones. Fix their hair, look into their eyes and discover their special characteristics. Soon everything online is just another photo and not as remarkable as the real memories we can reminisce.

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Beyond horizon.

I am thinking of writing a book, this is my original story, tell me if it’s interesting so I can keep writing…

Prologue.

He pulled a stick out of the pack, lit and started smoking. He is facing the computer but with his thoughts away from the screen. Everything was blurry aside from that line constantly moving in and out, waiting for the next words to type. He turned his head right outside the window and found a bird resting on as if it was on a deep thought. It reminded him about a story the lady told him when he was on a boat during his first travel out of the rich mountains of Vanadu to the islands of San Clemente about the little girl who tried to save the bird with a broken wing. 

The little girl walked everyday from home to the forest to take the bird with her on the top of the tallest tree to watch the horizon. She prayed everyday to the old trees and the mountains that the bird can fly again. 

She stayed awake every night to watch the bird sleep and feed the bird when it’s hungry. One day the little girl fell asleep but awaken by the wind. She checked the bird but the bird was gone.

The little girl began to worry as she dreamt some hungry animal took it away and ate it. She blamed herself for being heedless and she began to get ill. She spent everyday taking care of the bird now she misses the bird and she knows her hopes of seeing the bird again will be very unclear.
Months have passed and she became well and went back to the forest to gather some woods. She passed by the tallest tree and decided to climb. Again, she’s able to watch the beautiful horizon. 

She reached the top and to her surprise she found a nest on the edge of the branch with a familiar creature sitting on it. The bird was well and it has been wandering on the top of the trees and beyond the horizon. 

Her heart started to live again, and with joy it was filled. She thanked the old trees and the mountains for listening to her prayer.

PART ONE.

A GYPSY THOUGHT.

Walking in an endless direction, being just fine with no destination. Just keep walking like you know where you are heading even your thoughts, you have no idea that it might lead you to an empty dead end. Who cares? Everyone’s gonna meet their dead ends anyway? Everyone’s going to face the dead end. That’s the truth. The journey to everywhere you’re heading through is more important than wherever the destination.

Freedom. Everyone are thirsty about this. Who doesn’t wanna be free? The freedom fro money, the freedom to do whatever one wants, the freedom to be what you want to be, the freedom to be who ever you want to be. That’s human. Freedom is what give us strength to do what we want. It’s an excuse we use to take unbeaten paths. The excuse we use to do things that are against the grain. The excuse we use to play unheard songs, we want to be free and different. Why do we want to be different? Because it makes a history. The society will remember people who took the less travelled road. The society will remember people who didn’t behave well. The people who walk against them. That’s the irony and truth about life, people will start judging and hating you for taking an unusual step but then in the end they will start to accept your difference and praise you and remember you as if they’ve been with you from the start. They will act like they never judged you and pretend that they have been praising your state of being. the way you have been and the way you have been treating life. They thought it’s crazy, but in the end they will embrace it. That’s the truth about society, they only suck you when they know there’s blood to suck in.

The truth is, no one will accompany you in a cold narrow road, they will throw you ice balls, take your blanket, blow you wind to  make it colder and more difficult to pass. People are genuinely ambitious but that’s all they’ve got, ambition, and when finally someone took the step to make that ambition come true, they get jealous, they will pull you down, do anything to pull you back where you are supposed to be.

Don’t be scared to take that road you have been dreaming of taking yourself into. One day, they will see you on  the top and wish they could be you, one day they will kneel down and praise you like they have never treated you like the math under their feet. Just walk, take the step, don’t listen to this cowards. They have dreams but never had the courage to live it and make it happen. If you have the guts to go against the grain, do it,fight for your dreams. You deserve to have a beer with those people above the mountain. 🙂

Christmas blues.

Years ago, I was 13 years old, it was the time that my grandmother passed away, I was raised by her since I was a baby. She was buried on December 23 and the next day was the Christmas Eve.

The night was very long, the noiseless surrounding was hurting my ears. Was it real that she’s gone and won’t ever see her again? Why didn’t she die after Christmas? Or new year? Or why did she have to die? It was the most painful day of my life. It was painful because it was the day people are supposed to be happy, the day people share warm embraces and laughter to one another. Christmas has been the most melancholic day of the year. It’s only me and Willy (my gay uncle who’s almost the same age as me) are the ones left for each other. We were young, we didn’t know what to do, how we were gonna live the next days without her.

I remember us counting down the time before we grill 2 sticks each of a tiny barbecue, after that we go to bed. It was just so lonely and we had to try to be happy for each other. I can’t even remember the next more years, what we have been doing on the Christmas eves because it was always the same. We just felt lonely if we go out to see other families having get togethers, eating a lot of delicious food, laughing and dancing and singing.

2012 was my favorite year. I celebrated White Christmas for the first time of my life and when I got back to Philippines, in a snap I became a beauty queen, the next thing I know I was already in Paris and as I got back back again to Philippines, I was waving to a lot of people for winning a runway competition. I had the best moments of my life I could ask. I was lucky, I had to cry. I’ve never had such amazing things happened to me considering where I came from and what I have been through.

And yesterday, I was thinking, how about last Christmas Eve? Actually, I was happy. I woke up in a winter having the feeling like I was in the summer. I was like a child that arose from the bed for chocolates. Willy was happy, everybody was happy. One of the most amazing Christmas of my life. I didn’t have anything but I felt like I did have everything.

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A glass of COLD WATER.

Good read.

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I entered the university when I was 15, now I’m 22, still in college.

At the age of 22, I can say, I have been living a life with full of adventures. I was a farmer, a mountain girl but I had eagerness to see the world. I’ve travelled islands to islands, cities to cities. I’m not finished with studies yet, but I will for sure, for now, I’ll take every boat that brings me to different oceans and planes that travels me back to time. I will pause time and save beautiful pictures into my memory. I will live young and wild. I will explore around and beyond the box.

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A piece.

I’ve always thought I was an eagle,
I’ve seen so many oasis and over.
Always been looking down to see some source of life,
And every-time I see one, I observe and watch straight,
I fly down-fast like I was the wind, and the wind was my prey.

I said to me I was a free-soul,
but then maybe I wast just running, running and running to seek a life.
I might be that soul that doesn’t belong to anyone,
whose looking for life but fated to be the restless one.

I am the dissatisfaction,
I feel empty with just a beautiful world, but there’s no safety from the journey until the cruel world,
I feel divided with melancholy and happiness either way I choose to live,
I’m thirsty of a balance, I want to feel natural,
I want to be the line in between.

I feel like my world is just the sides of the star,
I feel like it’s an infinite rotation,
Will I always be that person who will have to choose between just left or right forever?

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Goodbye. I’m leaving.

Today, as I got out of my room, alone, took a tricycle, went to a remittance, sent money to my Tatay. Went to Buddy’s (Filipino restaurant) had my first meal of the day at 3:34 pm. I’m broke, didn’t have any money but I preferred to spend the last pieces to my Tatay and treat myself a good meal even if I have bills to settle. While sitting at the resto, out of my consciousness I opened WordPress app and started typing. I felt like writing something but can’t figure out what it is. I have so much inside me that wants to come out. Drama? Maybe it is. But is drama has always something to do with money? I think the only drama in me is about being broke. I get the sick feeling when I know I have nothing more in my bank. Do I really have to pay for all those bills? I’m single. I don’t have to. I call my self a gypsy but I’m scared to be homeless. Hypocrisy, I feel hypocrite. Is it about time to let go of that house? While writing this thing, I realized, I still couldn’t let go of that safety. But I’m scared to not have any choice. I am scared to not have something to go back to. These thoughts are making me crazy. They don’t deserve a big attention.

But then, what am I scared about? I am not scared at all. Actually, I just have to listen to my heart, it’s hurting because I’m over-using it. I have to take care of it now and listen to it. I have to let go of the worries. I am free and those things around me makes things limited if I won’t let them go. Goodbye safety, I’m breaking up with you.